JORDIN WINS IT!

OK, Jordin wins, good for her!

Now about the show. I have some questions:

• How much did they pay Joe Perry to be on stage with Sanjaya?
• Are The Kinks going to key Sanjaya's car after that performance?
• Why didn't Kelly Clarkson's friends say, "Ummm...no." when she put on that outfit?
• Why does Blake's father get so much screen time?
• Why does America like to pick on retarded people so much?
• Am I the only one that thought the bush baby eyeball gag was mean spirited?
• Why do I worry about something being mean spirited?
• How frickin' hot is Carrie Underwood?
  
• Why didn't Stephanie Edwards go farther?
• Where was Fantasia? Broadway? Gimme a break.
• Who is going to have the balls to tell Tony Bennett to retire?
• Why does seeing Carrie Underwood sing make me say "Thank god I'm a country boy!"
• Since when did Reuben Studdard stop sweating?
• Where was Clay Aiken?
• Where was Katherine McPhee?
• If Clay Aiken and Katherine McPhee had a kid, what would it look like?
• How bad was Bette Midler?
• Who is getting fired tomorrow for booking Bette Midler?
• Would John Lennon have washed out if he were still alive today?
• How great are the Beatle's and Lennon's songs?
• What are the chances that Carrie Underwood would do a Playboy spread?
• Would they let me get a subscription to Playboy for just one issue?
• Does anyone really just "read it for the articles"?
• Was that David Allen Grier in the audience?
• Why did they let David Allen Grier in to the show?
• Did David Allen Grier design Randy's jackets for this week's shows?
• Did Stevie Wonder design Randy's jackets for this week's shows?
• Did Randy eat his usual wardrobe person and has been making decisions on his own to cover up the murder?
• When will the judges pick a contestant that is shorter than Ryan?
  
• When Ryan gets done having sex, does he grunt "Seacrest out" ?
  
• Isn't Carrie Underwood smokin hot?

and finally...

• What am I going to do now on Tuesday nights?

Week 14: SPARKS VS. LEWIS

Sounds like a heavyweight title fight!

Either one is a great pick, because everything is right in the universe with Melinda gone last week. Does anyone but Simon miss her? It is funny that all of the Melinda shocker hubbub was finished up by Wednesday night. Now it's all about Blake and Jordin, and either will be a great Idol winner. I must admit that I think this will be one of the closer finals, just because Blake has been getting the vote out. However, with Melinda out the way, Jordin's votes will swoon as everyone votes for someone other than the white guy who should be wearing parachute pants. I'm not being racial, just calling it like I see it. That's how I roll.

Best dressed: Blake, a.k.a. Mr. Cool
Who will win this week: Jordin

As much as I like Blake, and as annoying as everyone is when they say "It's a singing competition. It's a singing competition. It's a singing competition!" Jordin is the better singer. That last pop 40 song (which by the way was probably created by an RIAA supercomputer somewhere deep underground in Nevada based on years of mind control research) was definitely a better song for Jordin to sing, and based on sound alone, Jordin makes a better radio star. Her looks, youth, and positive vibe also make her a great TV star (Disney Channel anyone?) potential as well. So she will be the better Idol and the winner of this year's singing competition POPULARITY contest.

However, when push comes to shove, Blake will be the guy to watch this summer as the Idols do their Summer Suburbia Extravaganza Concert Series. When he is done there, he can go front Maroon 5 and kick that creepy guy off the stage. I saw them on AI last week and again on Saturday Night Live and while he sounds good in the studio, he sucks live.

Week 13: Down to Two

Two words: CALLED IT!

Week 13: The Big Three

Nine great performances and some really great song choices. These guys are not going to make it easy to pick a winner!

Who should go this week: Melinda
Who will go this week: Melinda
Pick to Win the Whole Thing: Jordin

Jordin Sparks:
Sounded great all the way through. Looked a bit uncomfortable in those tall heels in the second song. Looks like she might be losing a little weight, too. Jordin is young, good-looking, and has a great voice and lots of potential, a record producers dream. I think she is indeed as sweet as she appears to be, and in the end, will make a great American Idol.

Blake Lewis:
Very smooth song choices for Blake this week. I thought he did pretty well keeping Roxanne from being copycat and he did really well on the other two songs. Good look in terms of clothes, and Blake really did look like he was having a good time. I personally would like to reward his continuous risk-taking, vocal and production skills, and general coolness with a trip to the top 2.

Melinda Doolittle:
There were moments of greatness tonight. That Tina Turner song was a great choice, and there were parts of that song that really define Melinda. I thought the white coat drop for the last song was gay, but it was the end of the last song that made it clear to me what I was feeling all along: Melinda is a backup singer. If she was in a black dress like the others, you wouldn't have known who the lead singer was. She doesn't have the looks or the star power to balance out her amazing voice. She is immensely talented, but she is no American Idol.

Week 12: Bye-Bye Kiki

Not surprising that Kiki goes this week. Blake will go next week, and it will be Melinda and Jordin in the finals. Of course, Jordin will win the whole thing.

But wouldn't it be cool to see Melinda go next week?

Week 12: Disco Night

Well tonight was a rough start, but I think it finished up pretty well. The whole show felt rushed, which was ridiculous, and cutting Simon off is the wrong thing to do, as his opinion is the only one that truly matters.

Who should go this week: Lakisha, of course
Who will go this week: Lakisha
Pick to Win the Whole Thing: Up for grabs after this week
Most Likely to be Cast as the Crypt Keeper in a new version of "Tales From The Crypt": Barry Gibb

Melinda Doolittle:
As much as I want to be nice for LeeLee's sake, I just have to say that Melinda is a great BACKUP singer. She's not horribly disfigured and has a great voice. Every once in a while I see the glimpse of a Tina Turner, but it is sporadic at best. Even Paula voice concerns tonight, "Another great vocal, but its the same every week" is what she meant to say. Thanks for showing up each week Melinda, but it takes more than that. She's the Cal Ripken Jr. of American Idol, and her efforts should be applauded, but she should not win.

Blake Lewis:
Alright, he did a great job last week, but then he goes and tries to do more of the same this week. He could have sang the first song in falsetto and that alone would have knocked my socks off, but Noooooooo...he had to beat box it up, too. I think he got the message that beat boxing is kind of like cooking with cayenne pepper: Use it sparingly to add flavor.

Lakisha Jones:
Thanks for playing Lakisha, we have some lovely parting gifts for you. I give you a 1% chance at not going home this week. Boring, yelling in parts, and not up to par with the rest of the gang.

Jordin Sparks:
Phenomenal job on the first song. I thought she looked great, that she looked like a star. I think she would make an ideal Idol. I thought the second song sounded good as well and liked the choice, but I wish she had mixed up the pace a little bit. Two slow songs is good for playing grabass at a high school dance, but it makes for an anticlimactic close to the show.

WEEK 11: The Two-fer!

It really is a shame that Kiki didn't go. With any luck, she will go next week. What is really depressing is that Melinda "Have you seen my neck or my star quality?" Doolittle is probably going to win the whole thing.

Chris kind of knew his number was up, but Phil had just started to gain some momentum! Oh well, I guess if you are going to get voted off, "Blaze of Glory" is one of the best possible songs to sing out on.

Looking forward to B-B-B-Beatbox Blake battling the Big Beautiful Black Buxom Babes. Breathtaking!

WEEK 11: The Idols Take on a Gen X Icon

No time to blog, I am too busy voting for Blake! This week was awesome. What a great songwriter JBJ is. We had the volume cranked and this was just a great Idol night. Now I just need to add "Young Guns" to my Netflix queue.

Who should go this week: Based on this weeks performances, Melinda
Who will go this week: Lakisha
Bottom three: Phil, Chris, and Lakisha
Still Early Pick to Win the Whole Thing: Blake

Phil Stacey:
Wow, he nailed this one. I don't get what Simon was talking about being all showy. He looked good and sounded great. It was definitely a great way to start the night.

Jordin Sparks:
OK, this was NOT her genre, but she did great for what she had to work with. I appreciate that she tried to rock it out with a real BJ song instead of like Lakisha who just picked a soul song that happened to be sung by JBJ.

Lakisha Jones:
She did blow it out the box, as Randy said, but I just wanted a riskier song from her. I thought she was a bit too loud, but I agree with JBJ that she did a great job with this song.

Blake Lewis:
Friggin-A Man! Unbelievably awesome. I was jumping out of my f-ing seat! I was a little worried when JBJ was concerned with the fact that he was not singing for 16 measures, but that little ditty will sell at least 500,000 copies of "You Give Love A Bad Name" on ITunes before the week is out. And the little girls that buy that single will be sadly disappointed by the original. Hell, I would buy that single off of ITunes RIGHT NOW and I am exactly the kind of guy that Simon thinks won't like Blake's version.

Chris Richardson:
I was dreading this, but Chris sounded great as well. This is their bread and butter song, and I love the fact that he said, "somebody HAS to sing it". He sang it and sounded great doing it. Let's hear Justin Timberlake sing it like that.

Melinda Doolittle:
It was really nice to see her do a current song. I really enjoyed it, as she is a great singer. However, even though I agree that she has a young Tina Turner thing going on, I think that she was one of the weakest performances of the night.

WEEK 10: The Idols get a Reprieve

I was scared out of my mind that Jordin was going home. Too crazy, those Fox guys!

So Ellen Degeneres pitches the kids on "Donate a dollar and have your parents donate nine". After a little discussion, me and Syd put in our donation. She was so happy, saying that we would save the lives of 100 children. Sadly only a small percentage of it will feed children, and most will be used to bribe local gangs and officials during transportation. I hope that things work out better than that.

OK, back to the star-studded gala. First off, Carrie Underwood is the most glam of all Idol winners. She makes African poverty look like a music video just by showing up. And Kelly Clarkson looks like she could feed some kids in Africa just by skipping a few meals between meals. It looked like the backup singers were crouched and hiding under her dress. She was pear-shaped! During her introduction they called her a Southern Belle, but I think they meant Southern bell. Ba-dump!

Other thoughts:

• The Elvis thing was creepy. Look out Celine! he's dead!
• Annie Lennox rocks.
• Ben Stiller isn't really funny without Owen Wilson.
• Jack Black can take a really badly written comedy skit and almost make it work.
• Everyone needs to stop using Sanjaya for a punching bag now that he is off.
  

Week 10: Idol Gives Back

OK, I voted twice last night, a whopping $0.20 to some starving kid in Africa or Louisiana. I am a bit ashamed at the corporations. All they could come up with was $5,000,000? That is piss poor.

Who should go this week: Lakisha
Who will go this week: Lakisha
Bottom three: Phil, Chris, and Lakisha
Early Pick to Win the Whole Thing: Jordin

Chris Richardson:
I know the judges liked it, but it was kind of forgettable for me. I really love that song, too (Clapton's Change the World), but it was kind of light or watered down. Definitely not a bring-the-house-down performance.

Blake Lewis:
Great song choice. I know the song is slow, and there was no change of pace, but you have to give the guy props (and votes) just for choosing it because it was the "right" song. That, and he didn't screw it up at all. If he had beat boxed it or done anything but what he did, he would have been lectured on how the song didn't need anything else.

Melinda Doolittle:
Old and busted looked good again, and I do have a newfound respect for her since she stopped faking the amazement at her talent and rave reviews. I also liked that she took Faith Hill's song and made it really stand out as her own performance. However, she is short on star power, as are most of these contestants, and I could see her moving right back into obscurity when the show is over.

Phil Stacey:
Again with the rave reviews from the judges, and I'll admit he is getting better, but is still not Idol-winning material. He found his "country thang" last week and that will keep him here longer than Lakisha, but that is about it!

Lakisha Jones:
A copy of Melinda, Lakisha dresses better and sings louder, but is obviously not as good as Melinda. She will go tonight. Am I crazy, or am I the only one who thinks that Fantasia was the absolute weakest of the Idol winners? WTF is Paula thinking when she says that Fantasia "owns" that song. Humph!

Jordin Sparks:
One of her best nights ever. Great song choice, great vocals, and her dress was awesome. I almost got goosebumps! I think Simon is right, Jordin could have a hit record with that.

Week 9: Hallelujah!

Unbelievable! Sanjaya is gone. Part of me feels good, but part of me knows that Idol has now lost one of the more entertaining aspects of the show this week.

WEEK 9: Country Fried Idol

News Flash: American Idol sucks this year. I don't care about this crew, they are soft and weak. I mean, we are down to seven contestants and we still need to get rid of Phil and Sanjaya. I won't even miss Chris or Lakisha as they are eliminated, and of Jordin, Blake, and Melinda in the top spot, WHO CARES? Even the crappy and repetitive Ford commercials suck. If I hear that "you gotta live on the edge" sample again I am going to have to take off a shoe and hold it up to my chin to catch the VOMIT coming out of my mouth. In past seasons I would be secretly dialing until midnight to be sure that Clay Aiken made it through to the next round, but I am not even going to watch the elimination show until the last 5 minutes.

Production note: Martina McBride's eyes were creepy white in the center like an android. Fox needs to get a new on-site lighting crew to avoid making a very attractive woman look like an artificial symbiant. Ryan's banter with Simon is inane, and Randy couldn't be more difficult to understand without speaking another language entirely (BOYYYYYY!). Paula is the least annoying of the three tonight, and that is saying A LOT. On a more positive note, my gut tells me that this is definitely Sanjaya's week to go, I think. It's either that or I need to eat something.

Who should go this week: Sanjaya
Who will go this week: Sanjaya
Bottom three: Phil, Chris, and Sanjaya
Best hair: (tie) Melinda + Sanjaya

Phil Stacey:
I don't think he was as good as the judges made him out to be, but he was better than he has been in weeks. A cowboy hat would have covered those ears just fine, pardner.

Jordin Sparks:
Loved her looks, and her singing. Simon is right on that she could feasibly win this competition. Howwww-deee!

Sanjaya Malakar:
His performance was more unsettling than a Brokeback Mountain love scene. I'll tell you what. I almost couldn't watch this. I almost had to cover my eyes and ears. He sucked. He really sucked. I am talking Heath Ledger's belt buckle smacking him in the forehead SUCKED. I mean, he was OK last week, but he SUCKED big time this week.

Lakisha Jones:
Big improvements in her wardrobe and I got goosebumps when she sang to Martina in rehearsals, but the song didn't work when she belted it out on stage. Too much power. Plus, Carrie Underwood is a tough act to follow, as she looks more delicious than a tall glass of milk at a chili cookoff.

Chris Richardson:
I didn't like it, as Chris couldn't inject any real feeling into the song. I just wanted it over after the first 30 seconds. He does get props for mentioning Virginia Tech though.

Melinda Doolittle:
Her new extensions really help her neckless look, and she survived country week. Now she can go back to singing old Motown hits. Also, kudos to Simon for calling her on the fake humility thing. I might like her if she can stop that. I also have to say I think she is really 45 and she faked her birth certificate to be in the competition.

Blake Lewis:
Not my favorite, but I still really liked it. Blake is the only one I look forward to seeing, now that my gratuitous T&A fix (Hayley) is gone. Even his look is growing on me, kind of a Sting thing going on.

WEEK 8: Hayley Heads Home

So Hayley leaves us tonight, leaving the chances of a "white chick" winner of American Idol at absolutely zero. It is too bad, as I thought she looked better tonight with much more clothes on than she did last night half naked! So America "got it right" with Phil and Hayley in the bottom two.

Can I be honest? Country week doesn't really have me jazzed up for next week. I will watch, but my mid-season crisis is not over yet...

WEEK 8: Latino Week with J-Lo

This is an interesting week. I wonder if this is the week where everyone is having a mid-season crisis like me. Is this year better or at least as good as last year? Would I buy a record from any of these people? Will I care who wins? At this point, the answer is no, not really.

Side note: J. Lo is pretty cool. You can see that she is just very friendly and down to earth.

Who should go this week: Hayley
Who will go this week: Hayley
Bottom three: Lakisha, Hayley, and Phil
Best hair: Melinda

Melinda Doolittle:
Nice hair! She looked remotely sexy this week. I think she did better than I expected. However, I have to say that Kim reminded me that she is 28 at the oldest, and for some reason I have always envisioned her being late 30's or early 40's. She is so NOT young and cool.

Lakisha Jones:
Maybe that dress should have been a little less form-fitting. I love her voice and her personality. I love that she is a single mom doing this for her daughter. I just can't help but think of Hayley with a much better figure and a much worse voice and they are both still in the competition. Looks matter, even on American Idol, and big is not in.

Chris Richardson:
I think this was gutsy. Rob Thomas does sing the hell out of this song, but I liked Chris's performance. He did well.

Hayley Scarnato:
Simon called her on the naked thing. Zoinks! Just another pretty face. Antonella must be at home pissed off that Hayley is still in this. Her performance was just bad, and you would think she could wear a skirt or something, not the same old short shorts thing. I felt dirty watching her sing.

Phil Stacey:
He was just fluttering his voice the whole time, and making weird faces while he did it. His ears were pinned back and the dome was covered, but it was still a tough visual. Not really doing it for me, again. Also, at the end when talking to Ryan, it seemed like he thought his number was up, didn't it?

Jordin Sparks:
Kind of dull, nothing really inspiring. Now WOW factor. She's nice and pretty and can sing, but this was not one of her best performances.

Blake Lewis:
I think this week is the week it is clear to me that I am officially rooting for Blake to win the whole thing. He is one of the few (besides Sanjaya of course) that I look forward to hearing every week.

Sanjaya Malakar:
This wasn't that bad. Really. It really wasn't that bad. In fact, the way he looked into the camera, it felt like he was piercing my soul with his eyes. His knowing stare, exposing me and my secret, suppressed passion for him. Sanjaya's voice, his lingering harmonies, called to me as if it were he and I alone, urging me to scream out loud with a last gasp of my breath, that I love Sanjaya, with every aching bone in my body. I will vote for you my love! I WILL VOTE FOR YOU! Let every AT&T wireless phone ring forth into the night, and text the vote that will bring our love to its climactic point. And in the end, it will be you, my sweet, the brave champion balladeer with your lush, rich hair in a fauxhawk....

Sorry, caught up the moment!

WEEK 7: GINA IS ELIMINATED

Doh! I feel like I should vote, but it is futile.

Hayley or Phil had to go, but Gina lost out to both of them and Sanjaya.

I am going to start voting, and my first vote will be for Sanjaya!

WEEK 7: OLDIES WITH TONY BENNETT

Who should go this week: Sanjaya
Who will go this week: Phil
Bottom three: Phil, Hayley, and the Comets, oops, and Sanjaya

For all you suckas who TiVo and DVR, you missed the new Transformers teaser. I must say I have newfound interest in this movie after seeing Starscream fly under a bridge and transform and land on it. Damn that looked cool.

OK, back to the show. A good week, with everyone upping their game to the next level.

Blake Lewis:
I'll say it again, Blake is cool. I love to see what he is going to do next. He looks a little like Sting, and made "Mack the Knife" very Generation Y. Nice job!

Phil Stacey:
Ouch. I didn't think this was all that bad until the recap. It was gloomy and dark. Plus, Phil forgot to wear a hat again, and a fedora would have covered those ears up just fine and fit the genre. This Phil is not of the future.

Melinda Doolittle:
Record it, stamp it, press it, sell a million. I have to give props to Melinda. She sounds sooooo good (great song choice), and she even stopped being so awkwardly humble towards the end of her time on stage. She still needs to work on her image a bit, as she needs to maximize her looks to match her sound.

Chris Richardson:
He came out with a slow and low start, but got it going towards the middle and the end. It was fresh and fun and he made the song current, almost as much as Blake did.

Jordin Sparks:
That white untucked shirt made her look hippy. Sorry. I had to say that. Just kept looking at those shirttails the whole time. Jordin is great. Young, pretty, apparently very nice and happy, and she can sing! Looking forward to seeing more of her.

Gina Glocksen:
Get serious! That is what Gina did, and she pulled it off. This shows that she can work outside her comfort zone and still sound great. Simon was looking to give her a hard time that her voice cannot compete with the others, but he needs to remember this is as much about image as it is about singing...

Sanjaya Malakar:
Sadly, this was his best week to date. I have to admit that this week did not make me cringe. Maybe I have become desensitized to all of the Sanajayosity of the past few weeks. He won't be going home this week, either, no matter how much reverse psychology Simon tries!

Hayley Scarnato:
This "horny cracka" sees Hayley painting herself into a slutty image corner. She is now just pandering to the boys stuck watching the show to vote her through. She has another week, two at the most. And did you see her stick her stiletto heel in her mouth, dissing Randy and Paula? Not smart.

Lakisha Jones:
Lakisha looked great and I really enjoy her performances. She adds so much emotion and energy to her songs that I just like her. So sassy! A great way to end the night.

As much as I loved Lakisha, Melinda, and Phil's performances tonight, these three are going to be getting hit with a reality check soon. First off, if you think we older folks own this show, you're wrong. American Idol is a kid's show, and KIDS DON'T VOTE FOR OLD PEOPLE. Soon we will see the older performers (especially those singing older songs) struggling to keep their heads above the Bottom 3 waters. Look for Lakisha or Melinda in the bottom three in the next two weeks.

Here is the other thing: If Sanjaya can keep improving, he might actually make it pretty deep into the competition. I know right now that I would rather see Sanjaya perform (crappy but interesting) than Phil or Hayley.

WEEK 6: Chris says Goodbye

So long, Sideshow Chris. You have been "aw-ight" at best in your last few performances. However, your biggest mistake was listening to the stylistas and ditching your glasses and being someone but you. Kind of like John Kerry reading polls during his run for office. Looks like the turnout was the same for each of you.

WEEK 6: Pop, Pop, Pop and Boots, Boots, Boots

For a good pre-game read, check out Ed's suggestions for songs at
http://bottomofthebarrel.blogspot.com/

Who should go this week: Besides Sanjaya? Chris Richardson.
Who will go this week: Sanjaya?
Best song choice: Gina
Worst song choice: Jordin

Lakisha Jones:
It was nice to see Kiki doing something that wasn't out of the 60s or 70s. Not my favorite, but a good vocal.

Chris Sligh:
Not good. And these close ups are freaking me out, as Chris's head fills all 60" in high definition sweat-o-vision.

Gina Glocksen:
Awesome. Just phenomenal in her song choice, as it fit her character and her vocal range like a glove. Crowd was roaring at the end.

Sanjaya Malakar:
Good lord. Make it stop.

Hayley Scarnato:
Sexy but ordinary. Hayley is the only glam white girl, though, so count on the "horny cracka" vote to get her through to next week. Upon writing this, I wonder if I am a "horny cracka".

Phil Stacey:
The hat is a keeper. Going commando with those ears is not a good decision. Nice song choice, and even Simon liked it. Much better than last week.

Melinda Doolittle:
Great vocals, as usual, but it wasn't really that pop-py. I am still trying to figure out why she is not my favorite. It is the ridiculous amount of humility she oozes. It is also that her voice is great, but is really not that distinctive? Is that possible?

Blake Lewis:
I thought it was slow. I thought it was another "Blake slows down another pop song" and it turns out that my wife loved it. So it was the sexy thing, not the entertainment thing. That's OK, good job Blake in shoring up the chick votes. As for my wife, she still can't understand why Hayley is still in this.

Jordin Sparks:
Nice vocals, and it made her look younger and more fun, but couldn't help imagining Gwen doing her thing all over the stage, and it made Jordin look boring. Sounded great, looked dull.

Chris Richardson:
Nice spin on the song, but there wasn't much in his vocals to remember.

WEEK 5: So Long, Stephanie

I liked Stephanie, but I am not really surprised or particularly upset, as none of us were raving about Stephanie's performance. The bigger surprise is that Sanjaya was not in the bottom 2 (was he in the bottom 3?, I think so).

The performances leave me feeling good about next week. If the Idol wannabes keep going on their current trends, then we will be entertained. I am thinking of Hayley in particular who showed so much new skin this week that she should be topless next Wednesday. Woohoo!

WEEK 5: British Invasion

Week 5. That Lulu character was fun to watch. Two hours is a long time. Jordin and Blake rocked it out tonight.

Who should go this week: Sanjaya
Who will go this week: Sanjaya
Best song choice: Blake
Worst song choice: Stephanie

Hayley Scarnato:
Sexed it up this week. What's new pussycat? Whoa! Lots of skin, decent vocals, and good song choice helped her. The thing is that she was bad and is consistently getting better, so she looks like she is breaking new ground while others seem stagnant. Obviously not the best, but certainly not the worst.

Chris Richardson:
Pretty cool setting on the stage, but I didn't like this one as much as the judges did. It felt cool at first, but when the recaps came by, it was one of the least memorable performances for me.

Stephanie Edwards:
Ouch. Stephanie looked like Fantasia in that dress, and that is not a complement. Vocals were not the best, and the song was kind of blah. Been there, done that, feels like the performances from the last two weeks, just worse.

Lakisha Jones:
This one fell flat. I think the James Bond song was a good choice, but she had just done one of these songs last week. I am no chick, but wouldn't last week's dress fit those diamonds better than this week's green number? Maybe Kiki was hoping for some luck of the Irish there, but it just didn't seem to work.

Sanjaya Malakar:
Smiling as I type this. What a moment, with that little girl crying and Sanjaya singing and Simon's comment, "The girl's face says it all." It was just good TV. Not good singing, not good showmanship, but good TV. Late night TV. "If it bleeds, it leads" local news, smoking-car-on-the-highway kind of TV. That cameraman needs to be given a bonus, and a raise.

Phil Stacey:
I finally figured out why this didn't work for me. Phil looks like he is from a futurist race of neutered clones that all wear white robes and have no hair. (Sinead O'Connor is also a member of this race.) It turns out that bald nutless clones don't have any street cred singing rough and tumble bar rocker tunes. This had all the authenticity of Josh Groban singing "Sweet Home Alabama".

Blake Lewis:
This was awesome. Blake is cool, he's just cool. Like a modern day Dean Martin. He's cool and he knows it. Sounded like he was stretching a bit to hit the high notes, but this was really entertaining to watch. Randy gave him props for putting the arrangement and production spin on it, too. Looking forward to seeing Blake for a while.

Jordin Sparks:
Holy cow, somebody get this girl a record deal. She's beautiful, young, and she sings a nasty topic song with sincerity and sells it like it was hers. I loved this performance. She's cool, and she said "crap" on national TV. Awesome.

Gina Glocksen:
Her vocals were washed out by the band, but her look was good, if not great. I thought song choice wasn't great, but that she did pretty well with it. I like her more each week, but I know her vocals really need to keep getting better to stay here.

Chris Sligh:
Good to see the old Chris back, but some damage was done last week. No glasses and bad song choices have tainted your image. Good song choice this week, and his vocals are very solid, and he looked comfortable on stage, but in the end, it was weird to see people cheering for him. He's missing that cool personality factor that he needs to get past his looks that I thought he had in the prelims.

Melinda Doolittle:
Another week, another great vocal, I must admit. However, I don't think she is really that sickly sweet and nice, and if she is, she is going to get crushed in the music industry. I also like the new doo, but it makes her missing neck more obvious. Hey Melinda, Cornelius's wife from Planet of the Apes called, and she wants her hair stylist back.

WEEK 4: BRANDON IS GONE

We all predicted it. And sadly, Sanjaya did not forget his words, so Brandon has that to base his dismissal on. Brandon had to go, because in the end, he really is a great backup singer, but not a front man.

I think Sanjaya looked more upset that he had to endure another week of this. Nice to see Hayley not in the bottom three.

WEEK 4: THE DIRTY DOZEN

OK, here we go! This top twelve could be trimmed to ten pretty easily, and the top eight could do the summer concert series. I must say that Simon and company are very interestingly making it seem like this is a two horse race, between Melinda and Lakisha. I definitely don't see it that way, and picture one of them going sooner than later.

Who should go this week: Sanjaya
Who will go this week: Brandon
Bad song choice: Melinda
Best hair: Jordin
Worst hair: Sanjaya


Brandon Rogers:
Rough stuff. Forgot the words and I think his voice cracked in the middle of the song. Sundance is at home throwing out a big "What the f---?" as he watches this performance.

Melinda Doolittle:
She can sing, but call this Old Song Choice. Nothing like dating yourself with a relatively unheard song. I know it is from "The Wiz", but what kid these days has seen "The Wiz"? I know she is fabulous, but I am getting tired of hearing how great she is and having her feign disbelief.

Chris Sligh:
This version of Endless Love should have ended sooner than later. His voice is right on, but he arranged that song Jeffery Dahmer style, which is to say he butchered it. Also, the glasses are key to your look, do not get rid of them!

Gina Glocksen:
Loved this Love Child. I could see that the crowd wasn't that into it, but I thought it was very well played. Perfect song for Gina, and she pulled it off.

Sanjaya Malakar:
Ain't no pain level high enough. Ain't no volume low enough. The slow-motion car wreck that is Sanjaya continues this week, with another performance that left me feeling like someone was running their fingernails down a blackboard.

Hayley Scarnato:
If I voted, Hayley would get my vote this week. She definitely deserves another week on the show, just to get her confidence back. She was sexy and brought it vocally. Perfect song choice, but it would have been great if she remembered the words. She has gotten sand kicked in her face for the last three weeks and has earned the right to rehearse for a week with at least an ounce of confidence.

Lakisha Jones:
Wow. Melinda, look out. You and Ki-Ki are competing for the Big Vocal Women of Color (BVWC) vote and two things happened tonight. First, Lakisha got called her Mom's nickname from Diana Ross, which should not be underestimated. Secondly, she "held back" a bit this week and her voice SHINED and didn't wash out the band and everything else in the auditorium. I am sure part of this is the new stage and setup, but she was unbelievable and I am a big fan now, and never was before.

Phil Stacey:
I know the judges didn't like it, but he did it for me. He sang really well and I thought he was moving around the stage pretty well. Not the most memorable performance, but he laid it out there pretty damn well, translucent ears and all.

Blake Lewis:
I still don't know if I liked the off tempo thing. It was cool because the backbeat was fast enough, but it really made his vocals seem a bit droning (though not as bad as Chris Sligh's). I liked it a lot more as I heard in the quick recap at the end.

Stephanie Edwards:
Not her best. I like her and her look tonight was really good. She also ditched a lot of the 'tude poses she has been taking in the past few weeks. She looked more formal, and it suited her.

Chris Richardson:
Who-eee. This was a non-event. I should have taken this time to brush my teeth to muffle the sound of Chris singing and boring the viewers at home. If his goal for the night was to put in a horrendous performance to set the stage for Jordin, then I say "Mission accomplished!"

Jordin Sparks:
Can you feel the love? Loved her hair. Loved her voice. Loved the whole thing. She made a sickly sweet "Land Before Time" song sound like a top 40 love song.

WEEK 3: ELIMINATIONS

Wow. A fair amount of surprise tonight.

Jared - Never was going to be AI, but didn't think he was going tonight.
Antonella - Woohoo!
Sabrina - Shocker, but her yelling had to go.
Sundance: Oooof!

WEEK 3: THE WOMEN

If it were up to the judges, we would see nothing but big-voiced women of color belting out old tunes for the rest of the competition. I think they all sound great, but they all sound THE SAME. Boring. Even Antonella was a pleasant change-up. For this reason, one of those has got to go. I am guessing that Lakisha will be robbed as Melinda steals all of her votes.

Who should go this week: Antonella and Hayley
Who will go this week: Hayley and Lakisha

The individual breakdown:

Antonella Barbra:
Very good song choice for her. Simple with lots of melody. Who doesn't like this song? I still don't like her, but I half expect to see her next week.

Gina Glocksen:
Not quite as good vocally as whatshername from Evanescence, but exactly what she needed to get through this week. White girl can rock it out! Do I sense a Joan Jett song in her future?

Hayley Scarnato:
Not awful, just not great. Hayley is out of her league, but she is the only clean cut girl who could be on a teen magazine cover in this group!

Jordin Sparks:
OK, but she led off and I forgot about her halfway until the recap. Not the most memorable, which doesn't bode well.

Lakisha Jones:
Great vocalist, but tough on the eyes. I know it is a singing competition, but it's television, not radio. And HDTV only amplifies the looks.

Melinda Doolittle:
Randy's right. This girl is a pro. She is almost too good, like somebody grabbed her out of Motown and snuck her into the competition. My only concern here is that she may be faking her humility and that she seems a bit old.

Stephanie Edwards:
Great vocalist, but she has all of the bad traits of Fantasia. When she sings, it looks like she is telling off her man, waving her hands and shaking her head. I felt like I had cheated on her just watching her sing. I love the short hair and her classic look, but her mannerisms just don't seem to match it.

Sabrina Sloan:
Great singer when she's not yelling. Too bad she yells a lot. She's great and has a good look, a bit like Gloria Estefan. Need to see some personality from her.

WEEK 3: THE MEN

Overall, not so good. What is with Paula getting all negative? Did someone step on her dopamine drip IV line halfway through the show?

Who should go this week: Sanjaya and Brandon
Who will go this week: Sanjaya and Brandon

The individual breakdown:

Blake Lewis:
I must admit, like the esteemed judges, that I had no idea what the song was, but he is very entertaining to watch. Even on the quick recap at the end, Blake stands out in the field. Can you imagine him beatboxing some old Sinatra song in oldies week? N-n-n-n-new york! N-n-n-n-new york!

Brandon Rogers:
Better than last week, and he can actually perform, but I don't think he has what it takes to be his own artist. He needs a manager to pick his songs and dress him, and even then his is just so-so. Also, I think Simon called him Travis, which means that he is pretty forgettable.

Chris Richardson:
I liked Chris while he was sitting and not waving his hands, and this is a refreshing change from bee-bop songs from the last two weeks. Does losing 40 pounds make you interesting? Probably not, and you will lose the fat vote by insinuating that it does.

Jared Cotter:
Just so so, but Paula got all negative starting with Jared. Not his best, but showing his hoops skills helped him out a little I think.

Phil Stacey:
He started out SO bad. That low voice quiet start was really shaky. Then he had one ear pinned under his Sunday Grandpa shuffleboard hat and the other ear scrunched down and all misshapen. Not the high point for Phil.

Sanjaya Malakar:
Much better, but I think I could sing this John Mayer song. No high notes, just nice and easy midrange. A big improvement over last week, which is saying nothing, and the new flat hairdo will put him through. But come on, he can hula? Should Sanjaya be in the girl's group or could he be any more feminine?

Sundance Head:
This one was weird for me. I really liked hearing some Pearl Jam, and it was cool to see his voice applied to something outside Southern rock. I think the chorus worked and I liked it, but the usually excellent AI band did not come through for Sundance here, as the song needed more instrumental oomph.

Chris Sligh:
Not a great song (BSC award Ed?) but his voice is very rich. He seems like a real music aficionado and is very well spoken when being reviewed. I still like this guy, and hope he is top 10 material.

WEEK 2: ELIMINATIONS

Zoinks! I shot 75% for the night, guessing all but Leslie. America didn't do too badly, but there are two polarizing figures that must go. It is only going to get worse with Sanjaya and Antonella getting voted through while their singing gets worse and worse. Oi vey.

Poor Sundance is an emotion bag up there! He blubbered through the whole show. It's like they were playing "Rudy" on a DVD in the red room!

And how bad are these song and dance routines in the beginning? Did Paula choreograph them while on muscle relaxants? "High School Musical" looks like Fame compared to them.

Final note: I realize that obesity is a problem and America is getting fatter, but it is nice to see that most of the fat when right to Kelly Pickler's bustline. You grow girl!

WEEK 2: THE WOMEN

Not as strong as last week, but I think Paula might be on to something. Variety is important, as Jordin, Melinda, Stephanie, and Lakisha are all great, but are really similar in their sound. This means that their votes are going to be spread across all four girls.

Should go this week: Antonella and Alaina Alexander
Will go this week: Hailey Scarnato and Alaina

Not so much to write about the girls, they just didn't blow me away. Kind of ho hum, and not even that much to poke fun at. Maybe it was the judges trying to steal the show?

Those of you with Tivo or DVR, rewind and see if you can see Randy's eyebrows when Simon says Alaina's singing is like Randy running a 100-meter dash. I believe Randy's facial expression is similar to one who has just been told that he is the father of Anna Nicole's baby!

WEEK 2: THE MEN

As Paula awkwardly said last night, "Touchdown!". She was a Laker girl, wasn't she? She sure knows her basketball! The guys really cranked it up this week, and I liked a lot of them.

Who should go this week: Sanjaya and Brandon
Who will go this week: Nick and AJ

Here is the breakdown. Almost too much for 10 guys, but since I was late posting this, I figured I would give it the extra effort.

A.J. Tabaldo: "Feelin' Good"
He looked comfortable on stage for the first time, and he really sounds pretty good. Just a bit of a sissy boy look that will get him booted. Totally fine if you close your eyes. Will be working at a Disney Theme Park or Cruise Line by summer time.

Blake Lewis: "Virtual Insanity"
I really liked the scatting mixed in with the beatbox. Who is Jamiroquai anyways? They are still together?

Brandon Rogers: "Time After Time"
I know he did this for his Gramma (I almost shed a tear, NOT!), but this SUCKED. Oh my god this sucked, and he would have gotten a worse lashing from the judges if Sanjaya hadn't gone before him. Song choice dude, song choice. Get a clue before you go home.

Chris Richardson: "Geek In The Pink"
I don't like Chris's ultra-repetetive bop-left bop-right dance moves, but everyone in the crowd seems to like him. He looks the part, just don't like his moves. His voice, so-so.

Chris Sligh: "Trouble"
I think showing Chris's wife just got him to the top 10. His voice is great, and I can take his looks knowing that he is more of a Mick Jagger (in the ugly singer sense) than a virgin nerd that God played a cruel trick on by giving him a soulful voice.

Jared Cotter: "Let's Get It On"
I liked the fact that he tried Marvin and got through it. The ladies love this guy, which means he'll go far. What is with the big white shoes? Are they back in? Do I have to dress like a nurse on the first day of a new job to be cool again?

Nicholas Pedro: "Fever"
Mr. Massachusetts is going home either this week or next. "Fever" doesn't get you the tweenage girls' votes. His girlfriend was nice enough, but the camera spent more time on the drummer than on him. Nick, when the cameraman stops pointing at you, you're done.

Phil Stacey: "Missing You"
I have to give John Waite big credit, because Phil couldn't touch his version. Phil's shirt was cool, but those ears! Mr. Spock, to the science station!

Sanjaya Malakar: "Steppin' Out With My Baby"
This was the classic slow motion car accident, or like watching Joe Theisman's bone snap in instant replay. You can't help but keep your eyes on it, even though you won't be able to sleep for nights after seeing it. This guy is disturbing, plain and simple. But little girls will put him through.

Sundance Head: "Mustang Sally"
Wow, talk about a comeback. This song will get everybody out of their seat if done right, but you have to give him credit, he crushed it. The challenge will be doing anything but songs like this. Nice piece about the baby boy too. The Photoshopped picture with the goatee was little rough, maybe something of the caliber I would do. They should have gotten Chris to really make it look slick, he would have had sideburns and everything.

WEEK 1: ELIMINATIONS

Well congratulations, American Idol producers, you really know how to set me up and then yank the rug right out from under me. Just as Antonella is about to get the boot off the show, you bait and switch Amy into the mix, all without the common decency of a reach around. This just goes to show you that her days are numbered.

Did I also hear that Sanjaya is in the top 4 for the guys?!?! He makes me feel like I am way too old to be watching this show. All I can picture is a million cell phone toting tweens across the nation who want to like the guy that makes their parents' skin crawl. If that's what you want, girls, Sanjaya is your man.

So my predictions were all wrong (not the last time I will write this), and it looks like Ed has perfectly predicted the vajority of contestants that would be kicked off. I will have to put more thought into this for next week.

Final thoughts: This 3 nights of Idol stuff is ridiculous. No House on Tuesdays. How much is too much?

WEEK 1: THE WOMEN

The girls were great. Easy on both the eyes and the ears.

• I really liked Stephanie Edwards, who sang first.
• I thought the crazy redhead (Leslie?) looked pretty good, and she handled Simon calling her a dog walker pretty well, too. He said she had some awkward movements on stage, but I don't think they came through in the TV.
  
• I LOVE the fact that Antonella sucked. She and her gum-snapping New Jersey friend were nasty to their groups partner in Hollywood, and were caught on camera doing it. I don't think America will vote for someone like that who is an obvious bitch.

Just a thought, but don't these people watch previous seasons? Don't go into the first week and sing Stevie Wonder, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, or Aretha Franklin. Just don't do it!

WEEK 1: THE MEN

Alright, I realize this is only week one, and I want to keep things really short, but there are a few surprises and comments I will throw out there:

1. Blake (Joe Beatbox) was way cooler than I expected.
2. Shoeless Paul. Not so good.
3. Even Meatloaf's own mother thinks that Sundance Head is funny looking.
   
4. Even though I have really enjoyed Chris Sligh's antics up to now, bopping around on stage with that Sideshow Bob haircut did not leave me begging for more.

I liked Phil Stacey's performance, but speaking as a bald guy to Phil's wardrobe person, buy a hat to pin those windmill-esque ears to his head. Actually, he can sing, so start putting together an assortment of hats, as he may be around for a while.

First two guys to go are: Sanjaya and Rudy